Home Alone On Saturday Night - February 18, 2006

Hey all: I'm feeling a little sad tonight. I don't normally sit home feeling sorry for myself, I mainly feel sorry for others less fortunate. I'm just having a bad day. Yep, having a bad day. No one really seems to care. Why are most people so into themselves? I am into others...I always care about whether other people are happy and mentally & physically well. I'm sort of sick of (just today, give me a break) taking care of others' needs, wants, desires...I mean my family & friends or people at work. I think I'm mentally exhausted to tell it like it is. I tried to tell my friend over the telephone that I was having a difficult day believing in myself. But, like most other people, my friend was thinking about his needs.

I really, really want to find a new job. I want to move and to start my life. I LOVE my mother ... LOVE her and RESPECT her, but I sort of getting worried about putting my life on hold for so long. I feel like I'm losing out on life. I haven't traveled anywhere since 1999. I'm working at a job that bores me because I need to be close in location should my mother need me. I live in a house that needs so much work done to it. I don't have a male figure or handyman in my life to help me out. I'm the male; I'm the female. I trim grass, I pay bills, I work my ass off, I clean out the garage, I do laundry, I grocery shop. I'm tired. I'm sort of thinking someone to help take care of ME would be a really good thing. But, I'm stubborn and independent.

I really want to work in the movie, film, television industry. With my degree, my people skills, my talents, my intelligence, I am more than ready to find a interesting job with interesting people making damn good money so that I can live the way I should be living, not living paycheck to paycheck or at least in a house where the water faucets need fixed, the basement wall reinforced, shelving installed, lighting installed, a new water heater, a new roof, new electrical wiring throughout the house, and the wall in the living room repaired so plaster quits falling down. I got enough to handle. I'm strong. I'm capable. I'm hard-working, but I'm just sort of tired of all the responsibility I have. Wouldn't a break be nice? Help? Assistance--labor and financial? A one-week trip out of state? I'd be really living.

I saw CRIBS today. Shaq O'Neal's house has 64,000 sq ft; mine has 999. Does Shaq really deserve to have 63,001 more sq ft in his house that me? How about all of those homeless people? Imagine how many people Shaq could house with some of that money used to build that huge, huge house with all of those televisions, etc. Man, oh man. Get Michael Jordon, Oprah Winfrey, Shaquille O'Neal to help out in Appalachia where children go without shoes and school books--what a change they could make, right? Whew! I just hope that all people who have excessive amounts of money (let's say anything over $5 million) help others less fortunate. And, OPRAH, start in the United States where you live, then go to Africa. It's like our government giving money to every country out there and our country still has poverty, malnutrition, poor education, and look to celebrities for our role models and mentors. WRONG...in a big way.

I know some very good people who give back to the world in any way possible. These people are not famous, not wealthy, but are positive, forward thinking people. Loving? Of course these people are loving or they wouldn't believe in sharing their positive attitude, money, talents and skills. My parents volunteered their entire lives. My parents helped others who needed assistance without making those people feel "needy" or less important than someone who didn't need help. I learned so much by observation. I should help more. Right now, I'm sort of not capable...I'm just mentally exhausted. I need a vacation. I need a miracle. I need love. I need financial assistance. I need a handyman or handywoman to help around the house. I need attention. I'm "needy".

Sad, but true...right here, right now at this time.

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